10 Steps to Grow in Godly Character

There are several ways by which we can identify the character trait we should work on.

First, observe disturbing and ongoing patterns in your own life. Are you continually angry at your children? Are you easily hurt or offended? Do you habitually procrastinate? Are you often pitying yourself? If you already are self-aware of a glaring problem, then begin there.

Second, listen to what your spouse or friend says:

• By specifically asking them.
• By recalling what they routinely say about your responses.

Third, listen in prayer to see what the Holy Spirit brings to your mind. The blessing about listening in prayer is that the Holy Spirit is always willing to help on this. Further, He won’t list everything at once – He is merciful and gracious; not content to leave us in our brokenness, yet concerned not to overwhelm us. Start with what He reveals to you – the order in which He takes you on a journey to grow godly character may be important to the process. As you listen in prayer, you may also wish to review New Testament passages which list a combined total of 45 character traits. Most of these traits are found in:

• 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
• Galatians 5:22-23
• Ephesians 4:31-5:4
• Colossians 3:8-14
• 2 Peter 1:5-7
• 1 Timothy 2:2-12
• James 3:2-12

See how David prayed in this regard… Psalm 119:133 (NIV) “Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me.” God really wants to answer such prayers! See how Paul prayed for the Philippian believers to grow godly character (righteousness)… Philippians 1:9-11 (NIV) “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ--to the glory and praise of God.” We can and should pray the same! Some say, “Don’t ever pray for patience, because you will be sure to invite tests.” Well, of course, you will – you can’t grow without repeatedly doing it over and over again. If you wish to learn to drive a car or fly a plane, you can’t do that without repeating the skills over and over until they become natural to you – the same is true of growing godly character! God will surely answer this prayer by coming to assist you in the process.

Colossians 3:1-2 (NIV) “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

This is precisely what Paul did when he wrote to the Church in Thessalonica. He got them thinking about the things above, and this was to be a source of comfort for them. 1 Thessalonians 4:15-18 (NIV) “According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.” He also encouraged the church at Corinth, by turning their minds to things above (1 Corinthians 15:51-58).

Write out the story (doesn’t need to be long) when you failed; then stop to think about this incident.

Ask yourself: “How does it make me feel when I think about this?” Write it down.

Ask Jesus and listen: “What do you (Jesus) want me to know about this memory?” Write it down.

Ask Jesus and listen: “Where are you (Jesus) in this memory?” Write it down.

He may show you a simple practical step or two, to help you avoid repeated failure and to help you overcome in the future.

· Pray for it

· Select and memorize a few verses about this trait

· Admit my failure in this to spouse or friend

· Ask them to begin praying for you in this

NOTE: If the Lord reveals to you deeper identity-based or lie-based reasons (e.g. “I am such a failure/loser” or “No one loves me”) as a cause for these failures, then you’ll need more inner healing.

You may not need this step for some of the character traits you wish to grow in, such as self-control. However, if you are working on a trait such as not being rude, or easily angered or not keeping a record of wrongs, or learning to trust, you may need to forgive someone along the way. If that is the case, it probably means that we have been rude, mean and ungracious to others. In that case, the Spirit may require that you go to that person and confess your offense. Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV) “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

Or perhaps the Lord wants you to grow in forgiveness. In that case you will probably have incidents in your life for which you haven’t forgiven the person. Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Example: Three things you could do if you’re struggling to forgive someone (Luke 6:27-28):

• Pray for them – pray a blessing on the couple every day, of what you would pray for yourself
• Do good to them – go out of your way to shake their hands or connect with them
• Bless them – say something nice to them when you see them

Sometimes the character trait cannot be changed because you need inner healing.

Plan to attend the April 1-4, 2020 Soul Care Equipping Conference.

For others a demonic stronghold may be preventing spiritual growth in a particular area. It is also a possibility that the negative character trait we are trying to replace is a behavioural bondage passed on through our family tree.

That’s not easy to do, but the Scriptures tell us that it comes with a promise. James 5:16 (NIV) “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. “ Telling another human being is powerful, and note that we include a request for prayer as well. You’ll never be as intentional about growing a character trait in secret as you will be if you tell someone and ask for their prayer support.

We cannot grow godly character if the Spirit of Christ isn’t powerfully working in us. 2 Peter 1:3 (NIV) “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” And that’s why we need the filling of the Spirit! Ephesians 5:18 (NIV) “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.” The Greek present tense is saying, “Be being filled.” In other words, continually be filled by the Spirit. But how do we do that? Of course, a special event (like a retreat or conference) in which we experience the filling of the Spirit, is wonderful! We need it. It is good when we intentionally put time aside just to come into God’s presence and be refilled. But it isn’t the only way; nor is it the way we will do it most of our life time! So how do we get refilled on a daily basis?

Paul gives his answer in a series of participles that follow the verb, “be filled.” Ephesians 5:18-21 (ESV) “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for

everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Paul named four ways to be filled:

a. When we minister to others – addressing one another in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.

b. When we worship the Lord – singing and making melody in our hearts to the Lord.

c. When we are grateful to the Lord – giving thanks to God always and in all circumstances.

d. When we submit to one another – submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Jesus gave us another when He said … John 15:5-7 (NIV) “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.” When He remains or abides in us, it is essentially the same as being refilled by His Spirit.

Part 1: Learn about your trait.

We need to proactively learn the truth about character. Romans 12:2 (NIV) “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.” And when your mind is renewed, you will be motivated – or as Paul puts it – have the WILL (desire) to do God’s good purposes! Philippians 2:12-13 (NIV) “… continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” We’ll have to search for and hunt for this truth!

Part 2: Meditate (memorize Scripture) about your trait.

Galatians 5:25 (NIV) “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” When you pray to grow in a particular area of your character, the Holy Spirit is more than happy to assist you in this. He wants to help you! First He sets up tests so that you may begin to exercise the new patterns of character growth – that’s the only way you can establish a new character trait. God will not tempt you to sin, to fail and to fall (James 1:13) – the devil does that. But He will test you, in order to grow you! James 1:2-3 (NIV) “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” The tests are designed to cause us to repeat the proper behavioural responses, until our responses become part of our habits. Though the test may blindside us, what happens next, is incredible. Have you ever noticed that when you make a resolution to change in some kind of behaviour, when the next test comes, time almost seems to freeze for a few moments?

A battle within you ensues, as you weigh your resolution, on the one hand, with how you feel like responding, on the other. At this point STOP – DON’T ACT. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Let’s just say that it takes 10 seconds before you choose correctly and act out properly. VICTORY! That one correct choice equals one RIGHTEOUS ACT. You feel wonderful! You did the right thing! However, it isn’t part of your character at this point. So, another test comes along: same time freeze; same internal battle; and once again you choose correctly – maybe this time it only took 9 seconds for you to choose properly. A third test comes along – this time it only took 8 seconds; then 7 seconds; then 6, 5, 4 or 3 seconds. Each deliberate act is becoming a little bit easier to choose. There is still a pause, a bit of a battle, and a conscious choice. But at this point, you already know that when the next test comes you will make the right choice. It’s becoming a HABIT! Life goes on, and you begin to forget that you have been intentionally making every effort to grow in a particular part of your character. Then one day someone, like your spouse, says to you: “I’ve noticed something different about you; you don’t (_______) anymore!” Or the Holy Spirit taps you on the shoulder and reminds you that you were working on a particular character trait, and that you have been making the right choices, as a pattern in your life. The choices are no longer conscious, but unconscious! At this point you have moved from one righteous act to habit to DISPOSITION! It has now become part of your character! This is how you now act; this is what you now become known for! Praise God!